I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
