You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
