His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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