I got chris browned last night
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
