would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
