she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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