Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
