dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
