i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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