I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
