I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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