I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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