I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
