atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
