I'm laying in your front yard are you home
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
