whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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