You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
