We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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