So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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