Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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