Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
