He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
