sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
its liver damage thursday
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
