Whod you bang
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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