he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
