Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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