made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
last night I used snow as a chaser
I know her cup size but not her name....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
