shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
