We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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