I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
