i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
