foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
