I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
