I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
