So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
