Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize