Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
