can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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