No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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