No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
