YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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