im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
