Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
