he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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