Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
