I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
