i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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