You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
