Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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