I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i will never coherently bang her
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
