I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
