Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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