Fuck appropriateness.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
