Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
