Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
COCAINE IS GR8
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
