Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
