She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
