You work out of a Hotel?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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