I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
