At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize