I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
