You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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