he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
