the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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