Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
