I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am naked and annoyed.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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