My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
