ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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