My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
