drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
