Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
