fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Houston, we have a blender
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
