Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
