whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
